Why I'm Going Gray

It all started about 2 years ago while I was applying my make-up my oldest son walked up to me and asked, “Mom, why do you put on make-up? Because you don’t like how you look?”

“Um…no, I just like the way I look with make-up.” He just shrugged his shoulders and walked out, leaving me standing there thinking, “Isn’t that the same thing?”  After I was done I found him and apologized and told him he was exactly right. I did not like the way I looked. Yep, he caught me.

I have often thought of that day and the message I am giving my kids by my actions. Since then, my daughter has been more vocal about things she doesn’t like about the way she looks or how somebody looks “so old”. I have told her many times true beauty comes from the inside. I have tried the encouragement thing instead of compliments. I have prayed for her to see her true beauty and that she would be protected from society telling her that she is not good enough, not pretty enough and so on. But I feel like I am a whisper in her ear while everyone else is screaming.

I have thought about my boys and what society is telling them about women.  What can I do? What can I say that can get through to them? I have realized that my words are not as important as my prayer for them and my actions. I have tried to tell Charis that she is beautiful not because of outward appearances but because she is a daughter of the King. He has made us beautiful. As I take steps to believe this myself my kids will see it too. And so, my first step in this journey of believing my own words to my kids is to stop coloring my hair.

 I noticed my first gray hair when I was 20. That was a little scary.  My first urge was to pluck it but then I remembered my Mom’s thin hair (sorry Mom, I just told the world) so there was no way that I would pull that hair out. That is just asking to be bald! So I began the adventure of frequent colorings. I enjoyed playing with hair color and highlights but I am choosing to love my gray highlights. It hasn’t been easy but as each day passes I am becoming more confident in this new adventure. I have always liked doing my own thing so now here I go, trusting that my beauty and identity comes from the fact that I am a daughter of the King. You can’t buy that in a box.  Maybe next I can work on the makeup … maybe.